I realize that, in light of MUCH bigger issues in the world, this sounds totally trite; but, lately, I’ve been really struggling with a sense of overwhelm and anxiety when it comes to keeping up with my house…
I’ve been blaming it on early-pregnancy exhaustion; but, really, I think it is deeper than that. Sometimes, just being in my own home makes me stressed out. There is just so.much.stuff. Mail to sort through, dishes to wash, laundry to put away, toys to pick up, bags to empty, dog hair to vacuum, potties to clean, etc. etc. etc. etc. Honestly, I feel paralyzed by it all. Like I’d rather take a nap or go out to dinner – anywhere, really – than face the piles everywhere I look. Sound familiar?
I feel like if I let myself have “just one day” to “relax” or “not worry about the house,” things build on top of each other and – before I know it – I feel absolutely buried by things to do. I don’t know where to start, so I just don’t. Then, one morning, I wake up – heart pounding – with the feeling that I absolutely cannot function one.more.day in this MESS. The problem is – by that point – I need about four uninterrupted days to catch up; and, well, I’m lucky to get four uninterrupted hours at home lately.
I know I’m not alone here. Right?
When I think about things logically – or, put on my “perspectacles” as Glennon calls them – I know I actually have it really good. I work outside of the home, so I’m not even in it 75% of the time (or so). On top of that, my husband is incredibly helpful (he really is), and we have a babysitter/nanny that does A TON to make our lives easier. Not to mention… I KNOW how fortunate I am to have these “problems.” Too many clothes? Too much space? How ridiculous!! I KNOW…
At its root, I think most of this stems from the fact that I still believe the lies that other people can do it all and that something is wrong with me for not being able to. My mind knows that there is probably a “closed-door only” room behind all of the perfectly-styled rooms on the internet; but, subconsciously, I just wonder why I can’t get my act together and keep my house – at the very least – clean and organized. And, lately, How in the world am I going to function when I have TWO kids?
Even beyond the internet though, I go in real-life houses of real-life friends, and they don’t look like a tornado just ripped through them. My mom, for example, would have died before letting her house look like mine does right now when we were kids. And, pre-Sam, I would have too. I can’t stand the fact that SOME people can get this one area of their life right, and I can’t.
Here’s a confession (one that, no joke, haunts me multiple times a week now): When I was a young newly-wed, I used to babysit for a family with a baby. There was laundry everywhere. Dishes on the nightstand. Beds unmade. I was kind-of appalled. And, now, THAT IS MY HOUSE. (I don’t really believe in karma, but man that makes a good case for it!)
So… Where am I going with all this?!?
I need space to breathe.
Physically, I need my home to be a place where I can be at rest. I’m still figuring out how I’m going to accomplish this – how I will dig out, get back on track, and stay that way. I know some of you have great success with “daily chore charts” etc. but I’ve tried and failed at that in the past. The truth is, I think real change for me is going to require some re-prioritizing and some – plain and simple – cleaning out of STUFF. Literally, making some room to breathe inside my walls.
BUT, I’ve been around this block enough times to know that my own attempts to “simplify,” “organize,” and “do better” will never be enough…
What REALLY drains and overwhelms me is my constant attempt to do everything (mostly housework and other “obligations”) without making time for the things that REALLY matter – like quality time with my husband, real conversations with friends, and an intimate spiritual life.
That last one is key.
When I rely on my self, I will fail every.single.time.
It is a teeny-tiny step, but I’m starting this Bible study with a group of women from my church on Wednesday night. I don’t have time to add another thing to my schedule, but I really think I need this…
Have any of you done it? Know anything about it?
How do you get back on track when you lose your way – in the little things (like laundry) and the big things (like priorities)? I’d, seriously, love to hear!
E
E,
I’ve been struggling with this since day one after children. In our tiny just barely over 1000 sq ft town house/condo/apartment…with two littles…each day that I clean seems to only last for maybe an hour…or just overnight when I can’t enjoy it. I’ve struggled to stay content with the size of our place. But I do yearn for a space where we do have a place for everything and we aren’t on top of each other with our daily activities. Shoot, I’d take having a dining room that wasn’t also part of our family room! You are certainly not alone!
You are definitely not alone. I hate a cluttered, unorganized home but yet, I’m living in one. I can’t for the life of me figure out how to change it b/c the little 2.5 year old tornado keeps messing everything up…ha!!
I’m not sure what your budget looks like (obviously), but could you hire a cleaning lady to come, even if it’s once/twice a month? We don’t have this luxury (yet!), but several friends do and say it’s been a sanity saver. Coming home to a clean house must be amazing!
I want to tell you it gets easier as they get older, but I can’t… yes. They can help out more, but the reality of it is… THEY AREN’T EVER HOME EITHER! So in some cases, I’ve lost my “help” as they’ve gotten older. And we aren’t organized. I’ve come to the realization that I’m never going to be… that it’s not filthy, but lived in. On the good days.
There are days that I feel like you do though… I think we often compare things to the way our mother did them… and really? My mom kept a neat house, but she also didn’t have as many kids or work outside the home… and I think that’s the difference. If you want to feel good about your house, come over to mine… 🙂
(although the dishes aren’t on the night stand any more… I moved them this morning. 🙂 I can put them back if it makes you feel better though… lol)
I have a baby and toddler creating a tornado behind my constant cleaning and organizing. i have to stop being so hard on myself and “let it go” sometimes!
I also work as a teacher, full-time and with no planning period, and deal with this daily! My husband finally looked at me this weekend and said we are getting a cleaning person…simply because I would rather spend my weekends enjoying my time with my three kiddos, especially since I already feel like I am away from them so much of the time. You can only do so much…be easy on yourself!
My house looks like a disaster zone. Because we went to a wedding this weekend, and the weather shifted, I didn’t get to do the normal “picking up” I typically do. It may only be 30 minutes here and there, but it makes a huge difference when it comes to maintenance. In addition, the colder weather meant I had to shift through the older baby’s clothes to see what the younger baby can wear and what we need to get to make it through the cooler temperatures.
So my couch looks like a closet vomited. There are a hundred dishes in my sink accompanied by a thousand fruit flies. (Where do those things come from?) I also had to spend some time stripping cloth diapers which has delayed the other laundry.
And all of that makes me wonder when I’m supposed to exercise…or grade papers…or sleep…
Hahah. You aren’t alone.
I feel like this all the time and we don’t even have kids yet (just “furry kids”). Plus. we have a fixer-upper sort of house so when I look around, it always feels like something is dirty, a disorganized mess, or broken. It makes me really unhappy when our house gets out of control because then I feel like my whole life is out of control! (not melodramatic…no, not me!). 😉
The best strategy we’ve found so far, honestly, is to invite family or friends over on a regular basis because we will devote some time to picking up for then. This is definitely something we struggle with, though – so glad to hear I’m not alone!