This post is brought to you by a two-hour delay from school for “wintery conditions” and Nora’s utter lack of care for my desire to sleep in (with special thanks to Heather for not giving up on me and continuing to remind me about Confessions every month even though I’m a huge slacker these days).

So, how ’bout it?

March 2017 Confessions:

– We are “currently” having our floors re-done at our house (much-needed) and living with my in-laws. I say “currently” because the floors have actually been done for over a week now, but we are totally milking the clean-up and taking our sweet time moving back home. What can I say? At my in-laws we have meals! and laundry! and CHILDCARE! #wemayneverleave #outstayingourwelcome

– Yesterday, Sam woke up with a random black eye. Seriously, I don’t know what happened during the night, but he woke up looking rough. To make it even better, if you asked him what happened, he said that *I* hit him in the face *with my PHONE.* Awesome. I may or may not have actually done this; but, if I had, it was at least three nights ago (BY ACCIDENT) and clearly NOT responsible for the black eye. Oy vey!

– We visited Luray Caverns this past weekend DURING NAPTIME. I made the mistake of thinking Nora would nap in her stroller while we toured (it was dark and cool and perfect for napping – of course, I think all environments are perfect for napping, but that’s neither here nor there). Anyway, she definitely did NOT nap and, instead, I was the mom with the screaming toddler IN A CAVE (i.e. an echo chamber) for the one hour tour.

– I have a crush on George W. Bush.

– Nora calls my father-in-law by his first name and goes around saying “oh my gosh” all the time.

– I have no interest in getting rid of Nora’s pacifier when she turns two later this month (like I did with Sam). In fact, I’m seriously considering getting her a new Wubbanub as a birthday gift.

Well, that should do it. Got any confessions for me?!? I’d love to hear them! Also, don’t forget to check out Heather’s post here.

Have a great day and don’t forget to laugh at yourself!

E

Confession Numero Uno: In September AND October, Heather emailed me about Mid-Month Confessions, and I completely flaked on the post altogether. Then, because she’s a good friend and didn’t completely give up on me, she emailed me about November’s post too. I told her I was in, I’d even been keeping a running list of confessions to share, but I asked if we could move it to Wednesday (instead of Tuesday – the technical “mid” month) so I could do a “Teaching Tuesday” post yesterday… And then… I didn’t even get that teaching post up at all. Ugh. Totally my life these days! 😉

ANYWAY…

I’m back today! Happy mid-month friends. Can you believe it’s the middle of November already?!? Thanksgiving is in ONE WEEK!!! Check out Heather’s confessions (quirks and phobias edition) and read on for all the ways I’ve been acting a fool lately…

But first, speaking of acting a fool, this Halloween outtake seemed appropriate for a post like this. Please enjoy.

November 2016 Confessions:

– If you follow me on Instagram, you already know this story, but about a month ago I accidentally dialed 9-1-1 from my Apple Watch. It was, seriously, the WEIRDEST thing. I was literally standing in front of my class of juniors in the middle of teaching when my watch made a weird noise. I turned off what I assumed was an alarm and then looked down just in time to see that it was calling 9-1-1. I hung up immediately, but it wasn’t fast enough. Within seconds, they were calling me back on my cell phone – across the classroom – and I had to explain to the dispatcher (in front of all my students mind you) that my watch had mysteriously made the call and there was no emergency. THEN, because I work at a school and I couldn’t be certain that the dispatcher actually believed me (can you imagine the drama if rescue vehicles had started showing up?!?!), I had to make the “call of shame” up to the front office and inform them of my mishap too. Not my finest teaching moment, but it did make Twitter… So there’s that. #ipromiseiteachcapitalization

– You already know I’m, like, the best preschool mom ever ;), but I’ve really been stepping up my game lately. (For the record, SAM himself signed me up to bring napkins for his Thanksgiving Feast this year, I didn’t even tell him to. That’s my boy!) Anyway, recently I got a call at work from Sam’s teacher reminding me that his school picture proofs (and order form) were past due. Being late was bad enough, but, y’all, I threw those suckers right in the trash when I saw them a few weeks before. (Insert embarrassed monkey emoji. Seriously though, who knew you had to return PROOFS?!?) I’m not heartless, but here’s the thing: his outfit looked like a school uniform (boring khaki shorts and a navy polo), he was wearing shoes I HATE, and they had him holding a little mini pumpkin awkwardly in his lap. He looked darling, to be sure, but I have no room for extra paper in my house… I told the teacher, of course, that I had “misplaced” the proofs and offered to pay for them instead (thankfully, she didn’t take me up on that offer – Jeff would have flipped!). Oops.

– Also ranking high on my list of embarrassing moments, I got pulled over this month for having expired tags (no big deal). The terrible part is that I was on a pretty busy road when I saw the lights behind me, I completely panicked, and I pulled in to the first parking lot I noticed… Which happened to also be the most popular family restaurant on that side of town (the side of town I teach in, mind you). It was 6PM (of course) on a Tuesday – kids eat free night – (of course), so there was no where to discreetly park (of course). SO, I did what any normal 32-year old driver would do… I stopped my car right smack in the FRONT of the restaurant and stuck my head out the window to ask the officer if it was OK. He loved it. All the people reversing around me and staring at my (very identifiable) minivan, did not love it. I didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea about me, so I spent the next twenty minutes (why does it take SO long to run a license and write a ticket?) smiling and waving at passerbyers. Like one does.

– Sam’s been on a Game of Life (you know, the board game from our childhood where you can have six kids, live at the beach, and be a professional athlete) kick lately, and one night as I cleaned up AFTER dinner, I discovered several game piece tiles in our soup. I don’t *think* anyone ate any, but I really can’t be sure. Note to self: check pots for strange objects before cooking in them.

*That reminds me: Did I ever tell you the story about my friend that accidently ATE the BUTTONS off my other friend’s (very expensive) wedding dress because she mistakenly took them for part of the bar snacks at the after-party?!? Its a good one. 😉

There’s more where those came from… But I’ll stop for now. Won’t you humor me by sharing one or two confessions of your own in the comments?!?!

Don’t forget to check out Heather’s post too!

May your hump day be swift and smooth,

E

Well, well, well, what do we have here?!?! It’s officially the middle of August and the end of summer break for me… I go back to work in two days, so today and tomorrow are officially known as: the days I cram 12 weeks of productivity and fun into 48 hours so that I can begin the school year sufficiently exhausted and feeling like my house/life is completely organized for approximately three days. Anyone else doing that dance this week?!?

Anyway, along those lines, I’m joining my friend Heather once again (finally) to share some mid-month confessions today… Shall we?

August 2016 Confessions:

– Last week Nora (who is a total wrecking ball these days) dumped an entire container of baking powder on the floor of our dining room… And I LEFT IT THERE ALL DAY and let the kids PLAY in it. Sam even wrote a few letters in it, so it was basically a “Pinterest Activity.” 😉

– Due to some unfortunate TV problems at our house, I have watched a total of ONE HOUR of Olympic coverage this season. (Folks, I’m not proud of this. I LOVE gymnastics – and America – too. It just is what it is.) I have, however, stayed completely caught up on all of Unreal Season 2 and Bachelor in Paradise. #goals

– Similarly, I read TWO (out of TWENTY) books on my Summer Reading List. I barely even know myself anymore. (Later this week I’ll share which two I read, and two that I actually abandoned. Stay tuned.)

– This summer, I have gotten into the terrible habit of staying up until one or two in the morning (doing productive things like writing an eBook and watching Unreal) and then sleeping until close to nine. (Yes, my kids are freaks of nature and typically sleep that late too. Don’t be fooled though, neither one of them consistently sleeps all night without at least one wake up, and they were awful sleepers their entire first years.) I’m going to be in for a RUDE awakening come Wednesday.

– I think I have cooked a total of ten dinners this summer. I’m not even kidding. I have no idea what we’ve been eating, but it has not been home-cooking.

– I’m not one of those teachers that works all summer on units for the next school year or goes into school a week early to set up my classroom. Other than an online class that I teach, I totally take the summer off. It’s necessary, but it will make for quite the HUSTLE next week.

– I DESPISE putting sunscreen on my kids. Like, if given the choice between sunscreening two kids or getting a cavity filled, I’d choose the cavity every time. (This is a universal thing, right?!?) Anyway, as a result, we almost always go to the pool in the evenings and both of my kids wear FULL BODY (I’m barely even exaggerating) suits when we do. #sorrykids

– Did any of you listen to the Sorta Awesome podcast about music? It forced me to finally admit to myself that I just don’t really like… MUSIC. I know. I mean, I’m totally a fan of the Justins and T-Swift, but I’m just not a “music person.” Like, at all. I much prefer silence or talk (podcast/audiobook) even when I’m working out, and I frequently tell Jeff to “turn it down!!!” when he has Spotify blaring. Anyone else?

– Speaking of working out… About a week ago I loaded up the kids one afternoon and went to the gym. On the way, Sam said “Mom, we haven’t been to the gym in a super super super super super super super long time.” (There were probably even a few more “supers” in there.) When we got there, he was proven correct because some sort of “alarm” went off when I tried to check in and – apparently – my account had been cancelled back at the end of JUNE, and I didn’t even notice. Oops.

Whew. I guess I had more to get off my chest today than I realized. I hope you felt some solidarity!

Don’t forget to check out Heather’s confessions too, and have a GREAT Monday!

E

Hey guys! Happy Monday! Last week was such a fun week on the blog. Thanks for all your great responses to my newsletter, and a special THANK YOU to those of you that bought your new Simplified Planner from my links. I can’t wait to hear what you think of it!!

Today, I’m joining the lovely Heather again to share some of my less-than-lovely moments from the last month. Hopefully you can relate to (or at least get a laugh out of) some of these:

May 2016 Confessions

– I HATE changing Nora’s diaper right now. In fact, I basically only do it when she starts stinking.

– I am about five assignments behind on my grading for school, but I listen to every episode of my six favorite podcasts on the day they come out.

– I’m consumed by the search for perfect shoes and a bathing suit cover-up for Nora, but I’m perfectly content to leave her in her infant carrier until she absolutely busts out of it because who wants to spend the money on something boring like a convertible carseat?!?

– I forgot to put sunscreen on my neck at the beach this weekend, and – never mind how terrible it is for my skin and my health – I look absolutely RIDICULOUS today at school.

And the grand finale… I don’t think I’ve ever blogged about this before, but it is BY FAR my most embarrassing moment, and I was reminded of it on my trip with my mom and sister:

– Once, when I was about 13, I was taking a walk on the beach with my sister, and we had a disagreement of some sort. I closed my eyes briefly to clear my mind (naturally), and the next thing I knew, I had STEPPED ON A SUNBATHING WOMAN’S FACE and was tumbling into the lap of her daughter. By the time I realized what I had done, the husband was screaming at me and freaking out, and I was so scared and confused that I just turned around and ran away. I lived in fear for the entire rest of the week that I had seriously hurt the woman and the police would be coming after me at any moment. #truestory

Ok. That does it for today. Don’t forget to stop by Heather’s blog for more confessions and leave your own in the comments if you dare!

Have a great day!

E

It is the middle of March, so it’s time to do some confessing! (Each month on the 15th, Heather and I post our recent cringe-worthy moments and take a second to laugh at ourselves and remember we all do ridiculous things. Make sure to check out her confessions here – #3 KILLED me – and then share your own in the comments!)

Here goes nothing…

March 2016 Confessions

Warning: Contains discussion of throw up.

– I mentioned last week that Nora recently had a bit of a throwing up episode in a restaurant. When it all went down, my sister happened to be the lucky one holding her. I, being the mom, reacted just as you would imagine a mother to in a situation like this – by running around screaming and saying “What do I do?!? What do i do?!?” while my (childless) sister caught puke in her hands and attempted to calm me down.

– One day last week I decided to wear a spring dress over a pair of white jeans. Jeff was out of town, so I asked our babysitter if it looked weird before I left. She said it did (haha, I love her), and I wore it anyway. #legsnotreadyforspring Later, I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror at work and, it did, in fact, look quite weird. 😉

– I have a huge paper due for my grad class tomorrow night that I have barely made a dent in, and a super busy week just in general. BUT, I managed to “carve out” THREE HOURS of my life last night to watch The Bachelor. Duh. #loveBen #teamLauren

– I put “Free Ice Cream Day at Dairy Queen” into my Google Calendar weeks ago. (P.S. IT’S TODAY!!!)

That’s all I’ve got for today!! Don’t forget to stop by and see Heather.

Have a great day!

E