I figure by this point those of you that are still reading don’t come here to be motivated and impressed every month… I take my responsibility to make you feel good about how ever little you are accomplishing (i.e going to work and feeding the kids 90% of the time) and, therefore, have been quite consistent in my setting and NOT reaching goals thus far this year. March was no exception… đ
All joking aside, March was an epic failure in most areas of my life. (Here’s the place where I ask you to forgive me for being such a whiney grump. I absolutely know I have a million things to be thankful for and that there are plenty of people WAY worse off than me. Everything is seriously just fine, but I did have a pretty bad month. )
It almost makes me sad to read my goals post from the first of the month when I talked about all the fun things we had coming up now that I know the reality – at least one person in our house (and usually more than one) was sick every single day of March’s 31. Nora’s birthday, my birthday, and almost the whole spring break was spent wiping snotty noses, administering meds, and – frankly – having a pity party for myself. We didn’t even get to have Nora’s birthday party that I planned all month because our house was germ infested and the guest of honor had a fever on party day. Also, by my estimation, it has been close to 40 nights since I slept more than five hours in a row.
Yea, I’ve been super fun to be around.
ALL THAT TO SAY: As far as I’m concerned, March didn’t even happen. (Yay for being 31 and Nora staying 11 months for another year!) I won’t be recapping my goals or sharing any progress from March (spoiler alert: there was NONE), but I will be starting fresh with a new plan and a new perspective in April.
So first, the perspective:
Image from Thyme is Honey blog
I had a physical over Spring Break, and I told my doctor that I really understand why so many moms “let themselves go” when they have young kids. I never thought I’d be that way, but I totally don’t prioritize making time to exercise, hang out with friends, or, heck, even wash my face before bed. I choose convenience over health when it comes to food a lot of the time, and I’ve been getting way too little sleep and drinking way too much caffeine for far too long now. Worst of all, I am frazzled and moody, and I worry that no one – especially my kids – is getting the best of me.
We’ve all heard that we have to “secure our own oxygen mask first,” and that we’ll be “better moms when we take care of ourselves,” but the truth is that some days (or weeks or months) that feels darn near impossible. I accept survival-mode, and tell myself I’ll catch up “one day.”
If nothing else, I think March broke me a little and made me realize that I CANNOT live in survival-mode. I HAVE to make some changes.
But with that – as I preach to others all the time – comes A LOT OF GRACE.
I want to be cool and tell you I don’t care that I never meet the goals I post on this blog and that it doesn’t bother me when everyone else in the world seems to be knocking things off their lists like crazy – but I do, and it does. I get jealous. Â I get frustrated that other people seem to do so much, and I am barely making it a lot of the time. I get embarrassed and ashamed. I wonder what is wrong with me that I can’t just get.it.together.
Deep down, I know that my goals and “To Do” list don’t define me, but it is SO easy to let them a lot of the time.
You know what I would tell my best friend if she told me she was feeling discouraged and disappointed because she “failed” at her plans every month? I’d tell her she needed to stop making such stupid goals.*
*All goals aren’t stupid, but when the basic things like sleep and exercise and quality time with your people aren’t being taken care of, things like updating a gallery wall or organizing the laundry room are pretty dumb.
So… I’ m taking the B+ philosophy to heart in April…
This month, I’m going to focus on taking care of myself, and that’s ALL.
I want to exercise more.
I want to rush less.
I want to sleep more and drink less coffee.
I want to spend more time reading books and coloring and taking walks with my kids, and tell them to “wait” or “hurry” less.
I want to pray and read and spend time with friends more and worry about cleaning and “doing” less.
And, at the end of the month, I want to be proud of myself for doing what matters and saying no to the things that don’t.
That’s all.
Happy April!
E
Bless you and your honesty. I sometimes wonder if we are the same person. Same name, same profession (different subject), two young children, and now, completely overwhelmed. I haven’t advice, but I will pray for you :). We will survive this too!
P.s…also sick most of march, and all of spring break. So much fun!!!
Thank you for this post.
Thank you.
Hang in there sister! Been there, done that…it does get better. As a fellow teacher, if we can make it through April it’s so much easier to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes to grace. I love this post. Because the truth is, it’s hard. Everyday, even without illness-It. Is. Hard. (I also failed every single one of my goals from March because of sickness. Solidarity!)
Amen! My March ended with my entire family sick, including me. I felt guilty today because I missed 4 days of class last week, and my students needed me. Overwhelmed had been my go to emotion. Like you, I learned I need to take care of me and focus on family, not a checklist. Hang in there! Thank you for your honesty!
I really appreciate this post. I feel the same way about letting myself go. Ugh. I feel like I just have SO MUCH to do that maintaining my svelte figure (HAHAHAHAHAHA) just never makes the cut…but it sucks. Why do Goldfish taste so much better than carrot sticks? I think that’s the crux of my issues. đ
Girl, you’re doing your best! Here’s the thing: so you didn’t “complete” one (or more goals). What does that mean? Absolutely nothing! You are NOT defined by what you accomplish (or don’t accomplish). You’re a fantastic mom, wife, and teacher (among MANY other things). Goals, smoals. It’s just for fun. đ
I am not a Mom but many of my friends are Moms and I pray for their physical and emotional health because they are doing so much and caring for people they love with all of themselves and many are tired, overwhelmed and at times feel inadequate at what they are and are not able to accomplish. But no one can sustain that pace over the long haul without some refreshment. It’s easy for me to take the time to administer self-care; I don’t have the responsibilities that you all have (way to go all you Moms!! I applaud you — for SERIOUS!! I could not do it – and I’m not joking. God knew what He was doing!!). Thank you for being honest and vulnerable and having the courage to make the changes you need to make. Thanks for the encouragement to do those things I need to change this month. I pray that this month is such a great one for you!! Lots of cuddles with your kids, books (my dream — pajamas and all the books!!), lots of restful sleep, catch ups with friends (including lots of laughs!!), quality time with your husband and dirty dishes left in the sink. This has been on my heart for a while now because I see my dear ones that I love struggling and exhausted, basically feeling terrible at the end of most days and then doing it all over again. So I send you love & grace & much hope for a month of health and happiness for you and your family.
I think moms need to encourage moms, and, almost more importantly, we need to be honest about where we are. So few of us really have it together. Frankly, I’ve given up on having it together and have decided to enjoy the chaos. It’s more fun anyway.
There are a couple of things I try to do to make my life more manageable: I throw a load of wash in every day. Washer is moved to dryer, dryer is moved to the couch and something new goes in the washer. Things may not get folded and put away on the regular (only when I have 10-15 minutes while dinner is cooking or something), but laundry is done. I meal plan every Friday and we usually grocery shop on Saturdays. That way I know I have a few choices during the week.
But you should see my couch right now and the stacks of grading I’m trying to tackle. Haha. And I used to let that get to me (and on the bad days it still does). The difference is this: everyone else I know has something piling on the couch. It may not be laundry, but it’s something. So we are really in the same boat. That makes it easier to relate to them and if I’m busy relating to and encouraging someone, I don’t have any room to attempt to impress that person.
Hang in there, Momma. Self care is better than a spotless house and a happy Momma is better than a frazzled Momma any day of the week. From what I can tell, your kids are fed and happy. You must be doing something right đ
Gah. We had similar Marches. I recently realized that I haven’t consistently slept through the night in almost three years.
Survival mode is SO HARD. It’s hard on you and your family. Survival mode is the first time that I really look around and think, “This is eroding at my family structure.”
Two years ago I declared a two-week quarantine where we didn’t go to church, playdates, school, etc. because we just needed to recover from SO MUCH sickness. It’s so rough.
That all to say: you aren’t alone! Don’t think that the rest of us are kicking butt through sickness and sleeplessness.
Those days are the days that you need to set aside goals and just hold your babies. That’s the “to-do” that needs to get done. That’s the goal.
And from everything I read here, it sounds like you’re doing SO great. xo